Indecent Proposals
Web Design • June 28th, 2006Although these irresistibly indecent proposals are based on real events, their specific details have been altered, added or left out for dramatic purposes. All characters in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, tyrants, and sweatshops, living or dead is purely coincidental.
1. The typical job posting
We are looking for an energetic individual to design and develop innovative and effective user interfaces for web-based products and services. Minimum job requirements are:
- Bachelors degree on related field, and 4 or more years of experience designing user interfaces.
- At least 2 years experience building database driven websites.
- Ability to work on multiple projects at the same time with strict deadlines.
- Excellent verbal and written communications, strong presentation skills, and experience managing clients.
- Must be proficient in HTML, CSS, ASP, PHP, MySQL, JavaScript, etc.
- Expertise with Photoshop, Flash, and ActionScript required.
- Shopping cart experience helpful.
- AJAX a plus.
This is a contract job paying $12/hour.
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» Yes, absolutely. I am a kick-ass designer, have the right background, every single technical skill under the sun, project management experience, and I dress and speak like a management consultant… and instead of running my own business and outsourcing inexpensive labor from developing countries, I much prefer to work for you, tiny unknown local company, because all my education and training, and all that work experience are worth exactly $12 per hour. Where do I sign?
2. The uninformed prospective client
I need a CSS template for my web site. I want it to say “WOW!”, to really show how creative I am. The theme of my work is X, and I want that to come through. The design must be unique and memorable, but of course, I also want it to be professional-looking, sophisticated, and reminiscent of X. Some special fonts and evocative images would be nice. A single layout should be fine, but I have some special content for the home page. I’d like it if you could throw some things to make the home page look a little different. My wife is an interior designer, and she has some ideas for the web site. She’ll be involved on the project. My budget? $300.
. . . . . . . . . .
» No problem! I just need to go back and forth with you on your requirements, analyze the content in your existing web site, determine site navigation, find free or inexpensive royalty-free images and fonts reminiscent of the very obscure X, design, code, and document a super-creative and original WOW interface, which is also user-friendly, accessible, CSS-driven, and looks/works perfectly in all browsers and versions. It’s really not that much, and PLEASE, do not let me go until the design has enough “oomph” to you and your wife. I think with your budget I’ll get some $10 per hour invested in this project, so let’s roll!
3. A web design shop outsourcing web design
We really love your portfolio and your attention to detail. We’d like to contract your services for our best clients. Here’s how it works:
We manage all communications with the client, and send you a short email telling you what he/she wants. You give us two web design concepts, each one consisting of two different layouts (home and internal page)… Some times we need a splash page in Flash. Our client reviews the designs, chooses a direction, and asks for whatever changes they want. Don’t worry… Our clients typically don’t ask for many changes. You update the design, and when the client signs off, you code it and deliver Dreamweaver templates and the original design file to us. We pay you $450 per finished set of templates, and we own the copyright.
. . . . . . . . . .
» Gosh! What a golden deal!… I’m certain that the two-liner email you’ll send me initially to establish all project requirements will provide all the information I need to design something that the client will love. I mean, why waste precious time talking more about requirements when you can just churn on a design after I take my best guess at it, right? You manage client whims and requirements completely, and just give me simple commands like “Make it more purple”, “Add more punch to it”, or “Change this green for the yellow on this brochure”. Those are so easy to please… Overall, I think this is the best deal so far: A full $450, and I get to do TWO design concepts. Awesome!
