my college roommate started a family right after she got married….had a beautiful little girl…..and then a 1 1/2 yrs late ANOTHER beautiful girl…..and then still hoping for a boy to add to the mix, 2 yrs later ANOTHER beautiful girl…….almost at the point of giving up on the idea of a boy, she finally had a darling BOY at age 42 or so….

While you’re still thinking about it, just hope that Abuelita Lucila doing her voodoo to happen! She’s get extra close proximity to the poers that be these days! ;-)

When I was younger I always thought I wanted boys. You know: It’s always been mostly women around me (sister, grandmothers, aunts, etc). Later, seeing my little niece I thought a girl would be nice too, almost to the point to maybe prefer a girl over a boy if I only got one kid.

But yesterday, I saw a great photo of a little boy which belongs to a “Boys will be boys” set of photos I just LOVED. It reminded me of how much I wanted a little boy – with all that crazy activity I’ll probably be trying to control. Later, I was doing something and the thought of having a boy came to my mind. This time I actually pictured a specific 6-year-old talking to me, and I thought: There is no way that I could regret having had him, no matter what pregnancy and motherhood could’ve done to me.

Thanks for your thoughts Kim. I agree with you. I’m almost certain that I will regret not having tried to have a kid. I know he/she will “ruin” the precious freedom I currently enjoy in my life, where I am master and commander of almost everything I can control… But, I can’t imagine that once baby Stultz is here I could ever regret his/her existence over the life changes that will happen.

I’m glad to know that your friend had a baby at 45. Not that I want to wait that long, and I better take the plunge now, but it’s nice to know that my window of opportunity could be that big should I need it. I keep thinking of it as up til 35.

Some people have truly legitimate reasons for not wanting kids..and hallelujah when they know it and don’t do it.

Lots of people think they’ll wait for the “right time” and because of the anciety about balancing it all may never really find it….or as with us, the right time found us first….

Most likely with the mix of feelings you have pro and con, yours would be the case where almost certainly you would regret NOT having a kid……and unfortunately, the biology of it all means that at some point one has to just take that leap of faith….or the bus will leave the station while you’re still deciding whether to buy a ticket or not. Fortunately, you still have a pretty long window of time and women today are having kids at all ages….
One of my college roommates had her 1 and only baby quite late….a result ofwaiting for the right moment to come as well as unfortunate circumstances …..she’s now almost 50 and her daughter is 4 1/2……technically old enough to be a grandmother! She recently told me that one of her regrets is that she is almost a generation older than most of the moms of her daughter’s playmates, and all of her friends and women with whom she can best relate are in a completely different place because their kids are grown and going to college…..so she finds it quite lonely in many ways….
so are all the fears, anxieties and doubts you are having merely shallow vanity? No…all part of a process..particularly emphasized in a person like yourself who plans and organizes and controls as many things as you can….

I’m not feeling all that cheerful today so forgive me if what I say seems harsh.

You sound like you’re comparing your “maternal” side to that of the Virgin Mary.

It’s not offensive to me that people make the choice not to become parents for any number of reasons, including physical ones. It’s a life choice and it’s not an easy one.

What is offensive is that people think that becoming a mother means you morph into a stereotype once the child is delivered from your body.

I still struggle with not being maternal enough! And for some stupid reason, I hold myself up to some unknown gold standard. It does me no good because I can’t be that person. I can only love and care for her as I know how and make sure that Steve shares the load.

You don’t become another person and you don’t lose yourself unless you want to and some mothers want to for a time. Others find a balance as their children grow, giving and taking. There is no right way.

Don’t mistake sacrificing some of your current lifestyle as losing yourself. I didn’t discover who I really was until I became a mother.

You and Jennifer are fortunate to have found that before having children and in the end, will probably make better decisions for your children, should you choose to have them, knowing yourselves as you do.

It’s the last I’ll say. I feel like I’m holding a baseball bat. Sorry.

It hadn’t even occured to me that the blog in question was not completeley representative of most cases. I saw it, and went CRAZY thinking 90% of women experience this.

I had heard Chris’ line before, but every time I only applied it to you, thinking it wasn’t that valid in my case: zero children to start with. Just now I translated it to me: “You’ll never regret having a kid, but you may regret not having had one”. I knew the second piece… I just keep forgetting about the first one… I keep thinking about all the bad things that may come with children, forgetting that once I have my kid all of it will be less meaningful in comparison, and there is no way that I could regret having had him/her. I guess I have to bet that this will be the case… It’s just hard to picture for someone who hasn’t experienced motherhood.

Unlike our mothers, it is completely up to you wheter or not to have kids, I just recommend not overthinking it. You want them or you don’t. I almost made myself sick over having a second baby or not. I was really overthinking it. In my heart I knew I wanted one, but I was trying to be too logical. In the end, Chris’s logic won me over, “You’ll never regret having two kids, but you may regret having one.”

That “good luck” sounded like “Good luck, Jim” (Mission Impossible).. Very appropriate : )