Anyway, Group 2 parent here along the lines of grey. When O was born, I found I idolized her. The time away from her, wasn’t worth the time I spent holding her in my arms. This included being with my hubby who also idolized her. She was mesmerizing. How could that be wrong? As mothers, we gain a sense of pride and accomplishment from making sure our children want for nothing.

The thing I learned a little later is that by anticipating her every need, even at an early age, I was taking away her need to learn to ask for what she needed. There is a fine balance. At the age of 18 months when O no longer went quietly to bed after months of doing so and I spent an hour at a time for a month rocking her and laying her down only to have her pop back up as soon as I walked out of the room, we both were in tears and I dreaded bedtime. I’m sure she did too. So one night, I let her cry while I made Steve hold my hand to keep me from going in there. I made sure she could see us and we could talk to her, but I did not go to her. After just two nights of about 15 minutes crying, she slept more soundly through the night then she ever had. I thought I was scarring her for life, but in truth it allowed her to understand if only at a basic level that 1. she could still be loved even from the other room and 2. that she could comfort herself. The second is more important because it allowed her to awake at night and soothe herself back to sleep before I had time to hear her cry and run to her side.

I hope you won’t take this as judgement regarding anything you’re struggling with. There is no one perfect way and I believe strongly in a mother’s intuition about what is right for her own child. That story is just THE defining point for ME when I learned it was absolutely necessary as a mom that I help my baby define her own sense of self even at a young age. But she can’t see herself as separate if I lose myself in her. I still struggle with that and she’s 7.

That’s why I fall into Group 2 with shades of grey even though doing the best thing for her isn’t always what makes either of us happy. And that’s why I encourage you to spend even just an hour away (baby supervised of course, lest someone think I am suggesting otherwise), out of the house, once a week, whether it’s walking on your own or just sitting in the sun or shopping for the perfect pair of jeans that aren’t going to be altered into maternity wear in the near future. :)