Comments on: Forget You! http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/ A Creative Playground by Maria Q. Stultz Thu, 20 Nov 2008 08:29:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.2 by: Maria http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-36836 Sat, 18 Oct 2008 14:37:49 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-36836 Hi Erin. Thanks for stopping by... I hear you on your comment about working shifts with your husband. Before having our baby I vouched I wouldn't do so many things that now I'm doing (for instance, riding in the back of the car with the baby)... Yes, in my short experience I can say that it does tend to get better. Never the same, of course, and the ugly aspects change and can wear you out, but overall, it feels like improvement. After a few weeks of clumsiness when he started crawling, my baby's now a pro moving around the house. He even figured out how to go down the stairs. So I can let him roam with more freedom than before. Of course you always have to be with him, though. He finds ways to make anything new dangerous, and now he's dropping everything he finds to the floor, which can drive me crazy. He's about to begin walking, so I know that "shit is about to hit the fan" once more. My life will become miserable again... for some weeks... and then it will get better again. I hope :) OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] Hi Erin. Thanks for stopping by…

I hear you on your comment about working shifts with your husband. Before having our baby I vouched I wouldn’t do so many things that now I’m doing (for instance, riding in the back of the car with the baby)… Yes, in my short experience I can say that it does tend to get better. Never the same, of course, and the ugly aspects change and can wear you out, but overall, it feels like improvement.

After a few weeks of clumsiness when he started crawling, my baby’s now a pro moving around the house. He even figured out how to go down the stairs. So I can let him roam with more freedom than before. Of course you always have to be with him, though. He finds ways to make anything new dangerous, and now he’s dropping everything he finds to the floor, which can drive me crazy. He’s about to begin walking, so I know that “shit is about to hit the fan” once more. My life will become miserable again… for some weeks… and then it will get better again. I hope :)

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: Erin http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-36834 Sat, 18 Oct 2008 13:49:53 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-36834 Thank you so much for this. I can't tell you how comforting it is to see an honest post on how all 'this' sometimes feels like the toughest job in the world. My kid is on the very brink of crawling and I honestly feel like I'm bracing for impact; I feel actual dread (and then the terrible guilt) because I KNOW its about to get even harder. My sweetie is a good man, and on his days off he's all, 'why don't you go out, get a coffee, spend some time on your own?' Which is awesome; except that it means I don't get any time with him. I (vaguely) remember when he and I were friends and partners instead of just shift workers at the worlds smallest day-care center. I'm hoping it gets better.... it gets better right? right? right? thanks again. OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] Thank you so much for this. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to see an honest post on how all ‘this’ sometimes feels like the toughest job in the world.
My kid is on the very brink of crawling and I honestly feel like I’m bracing for impact; I feel actual dread (and then the terrible guilt) because I KNOW its about to get even harder.
My sweetie is a good man, and on his days off he’s all, ‘why don’t you go out, get a coffee, spend some time on your own?’
Which is awesome; except that it means I don’t get any time with him. I (vaguely) remember when he and I were friends and partners instead of just shift workers at the worlds smallest day-care center.
I’m hoping it gets better…. it gets better right? right? right?
thanks again.

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: marla http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-28643 Mon, 04 Aug 2008 04:03:45 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-28643 Hi Maria. I loved your post. My experience with the real super moms is that they know their limits, even from their children. It's healthy. And fewer people than you expect will judge you for it. It doesn't really matter to you anyway. Just be who you are and Joaquin will grow. And it's okay if he must be uncomfortable for a time, ie. cry in his playpen for a few minutes so you can eat your bowl of cereal in one sitting before half of it gets soggy. As long as he can see and hear your encouragement, he will not be neglected even though it will feel wrong at first. In Dallas, you do not need to be a member of the church to put your child in Mother's Day out. But if you're worried about that, you could hire someone to stay at the house with you a couple of days a week so you can do what you want to do around the house. I know many women who do that and it's not "cheating". Best of both worlds, really. Just know that part of the trap of motherhood is feeling the weight of another woman's judgement. Most of the judgement comes from ourselves and it destroys. Do what you need to do. I know you. He will thrive. OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] Hi Maria. I loved your post. My experience with the real super moms is that they know their limits, even from their children. It’s healthy. And fewer people than you expect will judge you for it. It doesn’t really matter to you anyway. Just be who you are and Joaquin will grow. And it’s okay if he must be uncomfortable for a time, ie. cry in his playpen for a few minutes so you can eat your bowl of cereal in one sitting before half of it gets soggy. As long as he can see and hear your encouragement, he will not be neglected even though it will feel wrong at first.

In Dallas, you do not need to be a member of the church to put your child in Mother’s Day out. But if you’re worried about that, you could hire someone to stay at the house with you a couple of days a week so you can do what you want to do around the house. I know many women who do that and it’s not “cheating”. Best of both worlds, really.

Just know that part of the trap of motherhood is feeling the weight of another woman’s judgement. Most of the judgement comes from ourselves and it destroys. Do what you need to do. I know you. He will thrive.

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: Maria http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25931 Sun, 13 Jul 2008 19:18:24 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25931 Thank you Petie. Yeah... Sounds like we'll be talking about this when you guys come to visit. My mom is coming to help for a month (mostly because of my tendonitis), but I have to have a plan for when she leaves and it's just me again. OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] Thank you Petie. Yeah… Sounds like we’ll be talking about this when you guys come to visit. My mom is coming to help for a month (mostly because of my tendonitis), but I have to have a plan for when she leaves and it’s just me again.

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: Petie http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25929 Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:52:41 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25929 Your aunt is very eloquent about it... There are other churches (besides LDS) in the area, right? I highly recommend the Methodist program. We did join the church where Joelle went to school (it does help with getting bumped up on the waiting list, if there is a waiting list), but you do NOT have to join the church where you pick out. I promise, there are many, many people who go to Joelle / Elise's "school" that do not belong to the church. I can write volumes to you on advice regarding this (since I've been through it), but I'll just let you ask if you want the advice. ...just make sure you get the breaks you need and deserve. I remember having a guilt mom moment about something I thought I was doing wrong with Joelle or Elise and it was actually Poppy who gave me the insight that I remind myself over and over. "A happy mommie makes a happy baby." So true! OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] Your aunt is very eloquent about it…

There are other churches (besides LDS) in the area, right? I highly recommend the Methodist program. We did join the church where Joelle went to school (it does help with getting bumped up on the waiting list, if there is a waiting list), but you do NOT have to join the church where you pick out. I promise, there are many, many people who go to Joelle / Elise’s “school” that do not belong to the church.

I can write volumes to you on advice regarding this (since I’ve been through it), but I’ll just let you ask if you want the advice.

…just make sure you get the breaks you need and deserve. I remember having a guilt mom moment about something I thought I was doing wrong with Joelle or Elise and it was actually Poppy who gave me the insight that I remind myself over and over. “A happy mommie makes a happy baby.” So true!

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: Maria http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25923 Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:35:52 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25923 A mother's day out program sounds wonderful. I'll look into it. I've also thought that spending some time with somebody different than me would be beneficial to Joaquin. New games, different energy, etc. Right now, my "day" out is provided by Joey, and he's busy and will still be after the bar. So we know that we need help. I've also heard about church programs. I have to check them out. My only fear is that in order to have it, I have to join the church. Don't really want that. And in Utah, everything is <acronym title="The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints">LDS</acronym>, and I'm not sure if they'd provide the service to a non-LDS person. Who knows... OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] A mother’s day out program sounds wonderful. I’ll look into it. I’ve also thought that spending some time with somebody different than me would be beneficial to Joaquin. New games, different energy, etc.

Right now, my “day” out is provided by Joey, and he’s busy and will still be after the bar. So we know that we need help. I’ve also heard about church programs. I have to check them out. My only fear is that in order to have it, I have to join the church. Don’t really want that. And in Utah, everything is LDS, and I’m not sure if they’d provide the service to a non-LDS person. Who knows…

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: KSR http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25922 Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:22:08 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25922 the nice thing about mother's day out is that it's great for EVERYONE!....mom gets some time to work, do errands, do NOTHING AT ALL, play, read...meet a friend for lunch or coffee... ..whatever......without worrying.....and baby learns that it is possible to survive without mom and that mom can and does go away and she comes back! Many churches offer mom's day out....these are usually staffed by very caring people...many times, especially with the babies and pretoddlers, it's grandmotherly types who just want to spend a few hours loving and cuddling the wee ones....so just investigate some of the churches around and see what's available.... one or two days a week, 3-4 hours, is a delightful dose of sanity for everyone..... Above all never feel guilty for wanting to be Maria the adult and bright and vibrant woman......I never agreed that we lose our brains and individuality in postpartum delivery......senseless self sacrifice is not a virtue....great moms lovingly care for their families while continuing to be BALANCED women.....the trick is in finding the balance and making it work for the betterment of your family and you.... Keep a sense a humor about it all.....just as through marriage there are good and bad days, and we can laugh and complain about our husbands without everyone saying we want a divorce, we should be able to laugh and complain about some of the absurdities of motherhood without everyone thinking that we are saying we don't or didn't love our kids.....I think I could fill volumes on the darker side of both marriage and motherhood...and wouldn't wish to have not had either....it is very therapeutic to acknowledge the absurdities though and not pretend we live in a world of only sunshine and rainbows.... OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] the nice thing about mother’s day out is that it’s great for EVERYONE!….mom gets some time to work, do errands, do NOTHING AT ALL, play, read…meet a friend for lunch or coffee…
..whatever……without worrying…..and baby learns that it is possible to survive without mom and that mom can and does go away and she comes back!
Many churches offer mom’s day out….these are usually staffed by very caring people…many times, especially with the babies and pretoddlers, it’s grandmotherly types who just want to spend a few hours loving and cuddling the wee ones….so just investigate some of the churches around and see what’s available…. one or two days a week, 3-4 hours, is a delightful dose of sanity for everyone…..
Above all never feel guilty for wanting to be Maria the adult and bright and vibrant woman……I never agreed that we lose our brains and individuality in postpartum delivery……senseless self sacrifice is not a virtue….great moms lovingly care for their families while continuing to be BALANCED women…..the trick is in finding the balance and making it work for the betterment of your family and you….
Keep a sense a humor about it all…..just as through marriage there are good and bad days, and we can laugh and complain about our husbands without everyone saying we want a divorce, we should be able to laugh and complain about some of the absurdities of motherhood without everyone thinking that we are saying we don’t or didn’t love our kids…..I think I could fill volumes on the darker side of both marriage and motherhood…and wouldn’t wish to have not had either….it is very therapeutic to acknowledge the absurdities though and not pretend we live in a world of only sunshine and rainbows….

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: Petie http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25917 Sun, 13 Jul 2008 13:31:40 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25917 I know where you are coming from. I had similar feelings during Joelle's milestone movements; however, it has been different with Elise. This is why second children are so different when they grow up. Anyway, have you considered finding a mother's day out in your area for next year? Elise will be going two days a week, 9-2. I love my baby and I have loved having her home with me full-time since her birth, but I am very excited about "school" with her in the fall! Nana had me in mother's day out at 6 months.... seriously, check it out. ;) OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] I know where you are coming from. I had similar feelings during Joelle’s milestone movements; however, it has been different with Elise. This is why second children are so different when they grow up.

Anyway, have you considered finding a mother’s day out in your area for next year? Elise will be going two days a week, 9-2. I love my baby and I have loved having her home with me full-time since her birth, but I am very excited about “school” with her in the fall! Nana had me in mother’s day out at 6 months…. seriously, check it out. ;)

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: Maria http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25907 Sun, 13 Jul 2008 05:18:22 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25907 Thank you Kim. I love you! OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] Thank you Kim. I love you!

]]> OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] by: KSR http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25888 Sat, 12 Jul 2008 18:55:26 +0000 http://www.mafemaria.com/2008/07/forget-you/#comment-25888 RIGHT ( and WRITE) on!!!!! The world needs women with cajones to speak the truth and not be threatened by it.....it makes better moms..... OjO : [Content from mafemaria.com] RIGHT ( and WRITE) on!!!!!
The world needs women with cajones to speak the truth and not be threatened by it…..it makes better moms…..

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