Sometimes I debate if I should write publicly about these kind of “not totally positive” feelings… I’m afraid to come across as a spoiled brat, whining and complaining so much about something so many women have done throughout history. But something tells me that even if I don’t know them, there must be women like me out there, desperately looking to feel validated and less lonely on their problems.

Just a few days ago I was down on the hole again, because since our last vacation, Joaquin has started to become very polarized between Joey and I. On weekdays, he loves me, and initially rejects Joey when he comes home. He warms up pretty quickly for him though. But on weekends, or vacations, or any events where the three of us begin our day together, Joaquin loves his daddy and I become one stranger more. He cries for daddy, clings to him, and pushes me away if I come too close… Although I get that daddy is special because he’s the parent that is away most of the time, the whole thing feels like rejection, and my brain — as hard as he tries to understand it — processes it badly, mixing it with who knows what childhood traumas, and I feel rejected, jealous, and insecure that I may have done something to provoke it.

So my Mother’s Day was crappy feeling awful all day, and I finally looked up the problem on the Internet. Oh thank God!!! I’m not alone there. In fact, some other stay–at–home moms have it even worse than me. Knowing that this is normal, that we’re not to blame, and that other people are going through the same feelings, changes my perspective immediately and gives me the energy to ignore it, knowing that it will pass, and what’s more important: That I shouldn’t beat myself up over this also.

So that’s why I write about my crap. So other moms suffering through something similar find the validation they so desperately need. Not to mention, I hear from wise veterans like you, and that gives me tons of support.

Today, right after writing this one, Joaquin and I went for our weekly playgroup date. Just like earlier this week at the Little Gym, Joaquin acted horribly. He was needy as he’s never been. He wanted my constant attention and whined and moaned and yelled and cried the whole time we were there. I came back exhausted, feeling trapped and validated on my need to bring someone in for help.

I started researching the web for “high-maintenance toddlers” and found articles about “high-needs” children, and a book about “spirited” children. I’m not sure that Joaquin fits all the characteristics of these special spirited kids, but he surely is a high-needs one compared to all other children his age that I know. And the idea of finding a book or something that may give me a new perspective into how to manage this neediness and crazy attachment of my baby gives me a little bit of hope.

ps. I get lots of breaks. Thanks to Nana/Poppy, Honey/Grandpa AND MDUMC. You deserve it, too.