Yes. I’m totally with you on this. I have also decided to stop comparing my child to other children. You keep reading about how every kid develops at a different pace, and yet, it’s hard to stop yourself from noticing all the little things that other children seem to do “better” than your child. And some times, you forget all the wonderful things he does, perhaps even better than the other kids.

For instance, since I wrote this, I’ve become more aware of the fact that Joaquin is really not a difficult child. He is an angel at home. He’s very manageable. He just seems to be more challenging (to me) on social situations. And guess what: So am I. The difference is I’m older and have learned a little more, and can control my reactions better than him. But it is having realized that he is a pure straight carbon copy of me on this particular aspect that has made me become a lot more patient with him. I’m also reading a book that classifies kids in three groups: easy–going, shy, and spirited. Joaquin fits a lot of the shy description. And I fit it totally.

I’m sorry to hear that you have struggled with Pelle too. You are the person that knows him best. And I am the person that knows Joaquin best. A nurse who only sees your child for a few minutes while giving him his shots, and his teacher at the toddlers group… they all see just a little bit of him. They probably miss the big picture that only you see. They miss all the other ways in which Pelle has developed above other children. And they may misjudge him.

I have also thought I’d like to practice meditation to help my mind stop the chattering of silly thoughts. To help me cope better with the struggles, and flow easier with life and motherhood after 35. It’s good to know that it has helped you. I just need to really commit to it. I always get a little lazy to try.

The past month, my worries came and went, came and went. Every other toddler I saw seemed so much more mature.

Now I can let go. One of the things I decided for myself was to stop comparing. Because I’m biased and it doesn’t do anyone any good. I use more mental tacticks I learned myself throughout the years, like meditation and have faith in the flow of life.

And thus we strugle as parents. And although I sometimes wish I learned every lesson in life, this is another path we have to take. I hope you’ll find support, soon.

Best wishes, Ria

I’m glad you enjoyed my comments. Every time I read your posts about Joaquin, I grin thinking he sounds so much like you.

BTW… you were in Texas and didn’t call??????? Harumph

In many aspects, Joaquin’s temperament is exactly like mine. We’re both extremely cautious, we both feel safest at home, both of us have the immediate tendency to reject new ideas, new people, new experiences. The difference is: My “more mature” brain has learned to temper these reactions down (a little bit), but in him, they come out straight and pure, with tons of tears and screams, and they limit my life, and they bring all this unwanted attention to me (when we are with other people), and they’re completely impossible to negotiate with.

I doubt that as a baby I was as “high-needs” as Joaquin is (I don’t think my parents would’ve put up with it), but somehow I grew to become this, and passed it to my baby, and now I have to see myself in him, and deal with it. That’s perhaps one more of the ways how becoming a parent makes you grow, and become a better version of yourself.

Very wise remarks!… With that depth of perspective, you probably would make a very good mom too ;)

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with Joaquin. I’m sure things will evolve and get easier for your as he grows up. In fact, a lot of those qualities sound like he’s extremely bright and born for success. :)

And (you’ll probably kill me for this) several of the behaviors you listed reminded me of our working together… Like, when you just wanted me to ‘understand’ what you were saying, that it was ‘right’ and I just ‘had to listen’ to you, but my little brain wouldn’t keep up. You’d get frustrated and keep going faster and faster and I’d have to say, “Stop. My brain doesn’t process as fast as you… let me just think for a minute.” :) Or, those times you and Sean would go at it (which, yes, he was most often in the wrong, but still).

I will say, I never felt you were remotely ‘high-needs’. I thought – and still do – that you were extremely bright and creative and just had a lot of passion for your life and work. So, I guess what I’m saying is… he’s maybe a lot like you? :)

-Jennifer