Looking for the stars in my dark sky
Dec 23, 2010
Have been going through a blah time all the way since around Thanksgiving. Been so bummed down by this mood since it’s such a long drop from the high I had reached by chance a month ago. I was doing so well… getting it so much, that I even thought I didn’t need any more help. I knew what I needed to know. Was feeling it. Life was simple, and happy, and it was no longer a mental exercise. It just was. But all this low vibration has culminated on pure unhappiness this week. And today it went so low to the point of yelling at Joaquin during breakfast over a simple situation that has not even tickled me in the past (when I’ve been high).
So, according to my nature, I’ve been doing a lot of self whipping. Ffshh! Ffshh!… Come on! GET UP!… Get back up NOW and be happy again. Climb to where you were. DO IT!… What the heck is wrong with you?… Why did you fall?… You were doing so well before, and now poop again.
Last night I even dreamed of poop. Clearly I want so cleanse myself. Get rid of the crap. It just doesn’t happen so easily.
So today I decided to stop demanding from my poor fallen spirit. And instead use the opportunity to explore those things that are the source of my current unhappiness. Have been listing them out on a notebook with the idea of tackling them later and seeing if I can understand them better and discard them, and hopefully that will clear the sky.
And I check my facebook page today and find Barry Neil Kaufman’s daily thought:
“THE DARK SIDE: AN UNKIND MAKE-BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES. Let’s entertain there is no “dark side.” That’s just a belief (in this case, a judgment/belief). At night, we can see the stars. Imagine whenever we think it’s dark, it is time to search for the stars within. Even if we were angry, unkind, unloving… there is no darkness there… only unhappiness that we can embrace, understand and change.”
I call that a celestial sign of agreement. On I go…