Apr 14, 2013
After offering some thoughts to two Son-Rise parents on how to get in the playroom when they don’t want to, and pondering on my own advice (applying it to myself), the title of this potential book came to me…
“Radical Acceptance for the Son-Rise Parent”
How to succeed helping your autistic child (and yourself) grow, while attempting and sometimes “failing” to apply Son-Rise theory.
I used to have all these “rules” for what to do and how to be with Joaquin in the playroom. All those rules required me to have perfect attitude and be happy before getting in there. Because, come on! That’s what Son-Rise facilitators look like. But then you come home and reality is that we have a lot of growing to do before we can be as perfect as we think we should be. And it is okay, and it is part of THE PLAN for us to grow along our children. Perfection is not required.
I realized that any rule that got on the way of me enjoying my time with Joaquin was not worth keeping in the moment. So, many times I have broken the rules because they mentally separate me from Joaquin. And I have allowed him the opportunity to see me as I really am in the moment. Sometimes I have not joined his game. Sometimes I have gotten in the playroom with very low energy. A few times I have been very very unhappy and very very resistant to what’s happening. And it’s been PERFECT. Because he and I have learned from that too.
And how amazing to learn and model self-acceptance. How could our kids learn about the range and expressions of human emotion if we’re always faking or forcing happiness?… How amazing to show them how we can be afraid of something (e.g. afraid to be in the playroom, or play a certain game, or watch them tantrum), and still step INTO it, wiggle our way in, quiet our minds, and through our presence and acceptance of ourselves, eventually become comfortable with it, maybe even having a joyful experience. Isn’t this what we want them to do?…
“Step into your challenges little one!
Develop into everything you’re afraid or unable to do right now.”
Well, this is how we model that. By not being perfect, not having it all together, and still going in there to learn and do our best.
Perfection is not required.
Our kids ALWAYS meet us halfway.
That is “the plan”.