On being heard
October was so amazingly expansive, I didn’t have any time to update this blog with the many amazing things that occupied my days… I was busy bringing on board three amazing new volunteers in Joaquin’s Son-Rise Program. I was also extremely intentional, using my “eye or Mordor” focusing on areas I wanted to help develop in Joaquin, and so I created and played many new games, I tracked progress, I saw amazing growth, I shared it… It was truly a great month!
And as November starts and the seasons are changing; as I’m losing daylight and the recent presidential election has brought such dense energy to the “collective field” (and I don’t even follow politics at all), I’ve felt very contracted over the last few days. The recent expansion is over, and the contraction has started. Sorry I’m always talking about the contractions…
The pattern that I’m seeing arise — i.e. the most recurring and poignant source of discomfort I’ve noticed — appears to be a collection of thoughts around “not being heard”… Needing to know and see how my voice is welcome and has impact… Not feeling listened when evidence of that is not present in the person I’m communicating with… Letting people’s response to my words determine their value… I realized this was the subconscious pattern when, while playing with Joaquin, in a moment that I was answering one of his questions I saw him immediately look away and start chanting, and the words that came out of me where “You’re not listening to me! NOBODY listens to me!” (and I felt tearful and in victim mode).
Where does that come from?
I have no clue. It was certainly not there over the last many weeks. While inquiring on these thoughts, I heard/said again “they don’t listen to me!” felt with anger and impotence, and I wondered… “Who’s they?”