Templates of Possibilities
This spring I felt a strong urge to reorganize and refresh my whole home. While I wanted to create more pleasing and functional spaces for my family, I also felt like the work had a lot to do with wiping the canvas, letting go of old stuff and stagnant energy, anchoring new realities, and opening space for new possibilities to manifest. It was no surprise at all then, when three days into the project, [… secret stuff I don’t have permission to post publicly revealing an event to which most people respond with worry and unhappiness…]
If I had ever wanted proof of the way how I have evolved over the last six years, this has been it. The person I currently am WELCOMED the wonderful news, saw it all as the change I started at home manifested in a larger way, was excited for the possibilities that suddenly opened up [… more private stuff…], and constantly felt “held” in benevolent arms… Like a child who feels safe at home knowing that everything is okay, she doesn’t need to worry about anything because everything is taken care of, everything will resolve, everything is perfect now, so she can just enjoy her reality and play. If I ever wanted proof that what I just wrote is not an exaggeration and glorified memory of myself, this is it: Not once since it all happened, have I had the dream of my teeth crumbling down. I felt safe. I was a rock. An excited, joyful, grateful, high-vibrating rock.
[… Very private secret stuff revealing some changes around me but not apparently on me :) …]
A little before the episode resolved, my constant urge to keep revamping the house suddenly was replaced by a desire to finish unfinished projects. From the creative chaos new spaces have emerged, but there are still a few pieces of “debris” (reminders of projects I started) laying around. It felt a bit like, in order to see where I land, I need to clean it all up, stop stirring energy and wrap it up, let it set, to let what’s next FOR ME emerge.
Is there anything new coming for me?… I’ve wondered. A few times wishing there is, but not with a lot of intensity. I think I’ve grown to love what is, and trust.
So a few ideas have popped in my head. I’ve felt very excited contemplating such possibilities for my “next chapter”, have even created little plans over a day of thoughts. And then next day, I’ve felt zero interest in acting towards those plans. I’ve been amused by the pattern. Every time I check, I feel that these ideas are not for me to pursue right now. They are perhaps little questions coming to ask me “hey! how about this?”, like tasting wedding cakes. The one thing I’ve felt urged to do however is to work on this site. I’m feeling an unending impulse to gather everything I’ve written in different places, and put it all here, in “my book”.
At first I thought, “maybe somebody will discover this site, and something new will come from that”, and so I was working at optimizing it for mobile platforms and search engines. I like a lot what I’ve done, but lately what I’m feeling is that this is all FOR ME. I am the sole audience of this “book”. Maybe I will lose my memory at some point, and this site will remind me of everything. It will be for me. It is for me. So different ideas are coming from that perspective.
All these words and pictures are for me.
So even while nobody’s watching, I’m enjoying revamping stuff here. Gathering it all up and putting it in one place as a cohesive picture and story of the person I have come to become over the last six years. Not sure why… I guess I’ll see…