Mafe Maria: Personal stories by autism parent mentor, Maria Stultz

The Launch

I wake up this morning and hear Joey’s alarm clock go off three times before he gets up. Then I receive his goodbye kiss, but I’m still not ready to get up. I stay in bed and close my eyes and this experience happens:

I’m in my bedroom watching a conversation between Joey and Maria. I look at her knowing it’s me; a past me. She has straight hair and looks younger than me. And she’s speaking passionately resisting some thought. I hear her tone and her words and feel amused to realize that this concept she’s arguing about has no meaning or attachment to me. I tell Joey “This thing she’s talking about, I can’t even remember”. He smiles in acknowledgment, and as he notices that I’m having a little too much fun judging her for being “younger” than me, he asks me to whisper my comments in his ear rather than blurting them out across the room in my normal voice. Maria can’t hear me or notice me, though; she and I are in different dimensions, and apparently Joey is in both. He experiences both of us without any sign of surprise. He’s with her in her dimension, and with me in mine.

I watch Maria get into the closet, and so I go into the bathroom. When I close the door behind me and see my reflection in the mirror, something changes. I look at my face and have this funny perception of “identity confusion”; like my identity is suddenly collapsing… Who’s that woman in the closet?… Who’s this one here?… Who is Maria?… What am I?… And I feel my body immediately start to tingle and ascend towards the ceiling and higher. I know I’m having an out of body experience and feel extremely excited about what’s about to happen. But in a second, I doubt. I feel fear and my ascension immediately stops. I stay floating at the point where I’ve doubted and know that the only way up is removing the fear. My mind frantically sorts through my resistance, and I finally command I TRUST! I trust that this comes from God, and the creator of this whole universe can only bring me something good. I trust!”. My body follows my intention and it feels unlocked again, I sense a tiny movement up and then a 90° rotation around my waist that puts me in a horizontal position looking down with my head pointing forward. The sort of position you may have if you were about to be launched from a cannon, or in a rocket, not up to the sky but ahead of you, like a bullet (into the future?)

I’m surprised by the rotation and the position. It really feels like I’m going to be suddenly launched at the speed of light. I expect to see stars and planets and the black Universe as this energy transports me to witness something in another dimension. I feel it starting. My body moves forward and I feel my head starting to cross the wall ahead slowly. I sense the shift in density —not only around my head, but also all around me. Immediately I’m in my bed out of the experience; I just “woke up”. But unlike regular waking up, there was no sound that jerked me out of it, there was no gradual ending point to the dream. One moment I’m entering the wall, and the next I’m here. It feels like waking up is exactly the next thing that should’ve happened after crossing the wall. It feels like this was no dream, and my waking up is part of that experience.

It feels like this accelerated trip forward has just been launched… Past identities behind me; expansive experiences right ahead. I’ve been asked for the launch command and I have said YES. Go!


Welcome to my parent mentoring service

Hello, you Super mom of an Awesome autistic child.

If my experience and words speak to you, I invite you to learn about my mentoring service for autism parents.

Intentional parenting, development, and education for our children is my passion. My purpose is to empower you with the emotional and practical support you need to thrive as you reach for every outcome you dream of for you and your child’s life.

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