Mafe Maria: Personal stories by autism parent mentor, Maria Stultz

What I’m learning from all THIS

I go through fear, then inspiration, and I start learning that…

There is no right or wrong. There is no “truth”. Almost everyone of us who’s already chosen thinks he/she’s made the RIGHT choice and the ones standing on the other side are wrong.

We choose based on what’s most important to us. We align ourselves with those that agree with that, and then proceed to mentally and verbally minimize all the other ways how our choice is in disagreement with other pieces of ourselves. “He doesn’t really mean that he will bomb civilians”, “I don’t think she’s lied as much as people claim she has”.

Some of us close our ears completely to the other side.
There’s too much at stake for us to dare to suspend our truth and be present to hear opposing arguments.

Some of us attempt to listen…
… With the sole purpose of learning the other’s arguments to validate ourselves and convince them, perhaps, that we are the right ones.

Some of us attempt to truly listen openly.
And yet find ourselves making compromises on what we choose to believe and what we don’t. So I’m listening… My friend says my candidate owns Monsanto and supports mandatory vaccines. I let that possibility in. I don’t like it, and I’m willing to research the subject. There is evidence for both: yes it’s true; no it’s not. In the absence of truth, I choose to believe the ones that say it’s not. A choice I make using my sixth sense, or just the realization that in the end there may be things that are more important to me even than the quality of my food and the health of my child –gasp!

There’s something about choosing…
It has the potential to open our eyes to ourselves and the rest.
It has the potential to reveal our priorities, or beliefs, our filters, our degrees of separation from others. The ultimate thing we stand by.

I am choosing the status quo, as bad as I think it is, over the possibility of a war erupting.
I am choosing the lives of innocent people currently living on this planet over the lives of unborn babies.
I am choosing my life and the lives of my loved ones over our health.
I am choosing the fight to save this planet, my home, over the fight to end terror and its victims.
I am choosing an imperfect leader with relative predictability and sanity over one I perceive as arrogantly ignorant, and capable of unleashing something completely unknown and ultimately disastrous.
I am choosing every right I currently possess over the potential to lose them to a dictatorship.
I am choosing to share the wealth over defending capitalism.
Immigrants over aborted babies.
Terror over torture.
Hugging a grieving Muslim mother over killing a Muslim terrorist.
Not getting everything I want over compromising my humanity.
My trust in love and unity over my fears.

Once I realize the choices I’m making, once I see the trade-offs I justify for myself, it’s easier to watch you making different trade-offs that lead you to the opposite choice, and understand you. And hope it all goes well for both of us. And carry on a bit more detached from the drama, with one less piece of dirt clouding my glasses.

Then I ask [who I ask]: “Show me truth”.
And I see two mountains. Neither of them looks like hell, neither one like heaven. They both look different but none better or worse than the other. I see that neither one is right or wrong, better or worse. They’re both different possibilities; different experiences. The question is not which one is better. Instead it is: On which ride would I rather be to learn what I want to learn?… They both provide experiences where I’ll continue to grow. Some may be different, and some may appear on both rides. I may not be able to escape certain experiences simply because they’re the perfect curriculum for my growth. But again, the question is: Which teacher would I rather have? They both will teach me the same in different ways. How would I rather learn?

I also see that I may choose one mountain, and the flow of life may take me to the other. It has happened before and it was in fact, I think, the best that could have ever happened. Despite all evidence I have found, I keep forgetting that “the Universe” is wiser than me and I can trust it.

Once I see it this way I can forgive myself. And you. And hope our lessons go gracefully for both of us. And carry on a bit more detached from the drama, with one less piece of dirt clouding my glasses.

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  1. On , Shadiah wrote:

    Brilliant piece… as always…
    Certain parts of this post really made me smile…

  2. On , Maria wrote:

    Thank you Shadiah :)
    Just trying to process the primal fears this man has stirred in me (and a bunch of people) for weeks.

  3. On , Shadiah wrote:

    Yes… fear mongering is the new fad…