Mafe Maria: Personal stories by autism parent mentor, Maria Stultz

Playing with Others

I just came out of my Rise Above class, and the following insight lit up.

This is a big one for me.

I have lived a life in which I’ve thrived doing things on my own. It feels safe. I have (the illusion of) full control. I only have to deal with myself. I can mess up and nobody has to see, if I don’t want them to. No witnesses to my clumsiness and my falls.

But then I want to create something and I know I can’t do it on my own. I want to do something that includes other people. Something new. Something exciting. Something that will make things bigger than my safe little corner. And I walk away. I try to find a way to do it on my own.

Just like a little boy I know who wanted to play a fun game with certain rules, certain structure, certain order—his order. But the kids wanted something else. It got messy. Frustrating. And so he played alone. He played imagining that he was playing with others.

But in his love for his favorite game he found himself opening up. Letting others play it a little different than he wanted. Because to be fully satisfied—to really play this game—he needed others.

And here we are. Both of us. Finding our edge. Finally ready… perhaps (?)… to meet this hurdle stuck in the middle of the way to our dreams.

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