Ready to Begin
I feel the jitters, the shaky hands, the heart pounding, the swirling pot in my belly, and it all feels GOOD.
It feels EXPANSIVE. And exciting!
Because I know I’m growing. And I live for this, friends.
Joaquin worries that today I’m going to “sit with stuff”, maybe writing and sifting through uncomfortable emotions, rather than working on “projects” (which he knows makes me happy), and I tell him:
Kid, this is my favorite project.
Growing myself is what I came here to do.
I bet that before being born, there were different alternatives for life experiences. I saw a signup sheet for “Accelerated Growth”, and I put my name on it.
I say it because when I decide to grow, I freaking grow.
The teachers show up.
The Wise One speaks.
The curriculum of life events presents itself to me exactly at the perfect time, exactly at the pace I want to go.
—Oh, you want to learn about this? Here it is… Live through it. You have the tools. You can make it through.
And I’m not afraid of the shitstorms.
Every time I step into the hurricane, I come out like Wonder Woman.
But right now I’m learning that not all people like to grow that way, and this is the perfect thing for me to learn because I’ve finally cleared enough fear away to tell the Universe “HEY, This is what I want to do next!”
.
And yesterday I was moving into it, but quietly, privately, because I was afraid. Afraid of not being good enough.
But just like in those Son-Rise Bubble days, the Wise One showed me the way.
This magical stuff I learned with Joaquin and my lovely team of volunteers so many years ago is the perfect experience for me to summon back, and learn while I do this new thing, again.
I was afraid to tell the world because I didn’t feel good enough.
I’m not perfect.
I have so much to learn.
I am going to suck sometimes.
And I HATE that.
But I remembered that first time I stepped into our playroom to connect with Joaquin, and learn, and grow both of us. I wasn’t perfect. I was not a pro. I had everything to learn. But I couldn’t wait, because all the learning needed to happen in there. So I looked at that boy and invited him in with three clumsy jumps landing on a trampoline.
So today, right now… I’m finally ready to step into this new adventure, not perfect, but good enough, ready to begin… To connect, and learn, and GROW.
