Mafe Maria: Personal stories by autism parent mentor, Maria Stultz

The Open Space

Here’s a story and an invitation from my heart.

Yesterday Joaquin and I went to the park. Our “lockdown” counter marked day 194. We had been out for dental and orthodontics appointments, and a few neighborhood walks, but he had refused everyone of my offers to go outside. He was afraid. He wanted to be safe. Oh! And safe we have been. It’s the choice we three made.

But we talked yesterday, and what he shared reminded me of this:

Our thoughts create emotions and physical reactions in our body. We feel them. They are “real” to us.

Just like music from an instrument or voice, an emotion is a wave of energy traveling through space. It vibrates with a specific frequency, and—I was very bad a Physics, but do remember that—when these waves find a match, they resonate; they amplify. And when they find ones with an opposite pattern, they cancel each other out.

We live in this world of frequency whether you’re aware of it or not. If you don’t believe me, ask Einstein ;)

Some people feel it more than others.

Joaquin does.

He did when he was little, and protected himself. It took a while for him to make himself strong to take more and more, and come out of his shell.

But right now, he feels it. I emit a bit of my emotions—the low vibrating ones—and he takes it all in. Like he’s lost his boundary.

I asked him: Is this new, or have you always felt this way?
—It’s new. It started with the lockdown.

This week, I am feeling it too.

I thought it was my fears, my readiness to move while I’ve felt paralyzed, my magic powers awakening… And it’s all of that, but also…

It’s not all me.

We’re open systems living in a world of frequencies. And the frequency right now is SO HARD. So dense. Like a dark stormy sky. There is so much confusion, chaos, and fear. I see it in the topics that I watch everyone persevere around. I’m not immune to this; I’ve persevered too. Sometimes I also scare myself.

So I told Joaquin: Hey! Let’s work on strengthening our boundaries, and if you believe in this, perhaps offering—uploading— a vibration of love, peace, and kindness to the cloud where every human being lives. I believe it matters. I believe it’s real. I believe that there’s energy in every piece of this universe, and we get to play with it.

But because he was busy, I was left alone. So as usual, I applied to myself the advice I had just shared.

I sat in stillness out in my garden.
I saw a grasshopper laying her eggs.
And this is what came to me…

This week, talking with Joey about how powerless I feel to do anything that matters and that could create the world I’d like to see, I asked myself:
—What would it take for me to take action?

A war, I said.

But then I dismissed it because, it would really take my son and my husband’s lives for me to fight.

I don’t fight.
When fear comes I physically fly or paralyze.
I don’t write letters, I don’t march and protest. I don’t fight bullets. I prefer not to debate. Because all this to me is hopeless. This is not who I am.

—Is it not?

Ah! Yes. Thank you for reminding me. I do fight. 
YES, I am a mighty warrior!
I fight the demons in my mind.
I am a Magical Woman when I am awake.
And I’m also afraid.

Yesterday I heard the word “war” two times, and that’s my cue.
Yes. I can fight a war. And we are at war. It’s just the bullets have not been shot.

So here’s my invitation. I’ve been told I am very good at this.
This is my weapon. This is my action. This is my Ruth Bader Ginsburg way:

If you’re sad, angry, paralyzed, scared… If you want to be heard… Tell someone the whole story in your mind; the one you’re telling over and over to yourself. But the story is getting painful, and tight, and repetitive, like the walls of our house…

… And you’d like to feel free!

tiny figure playing soccer surrounded by a large open space outside in the park

Like Joaquin and I yesterday, you’re ready for that big OPEN space. And I’m talking about the open space in our minds.

That space changes everything.

I will not debate or fight your demons, eventhough I may get triggered by those we share. I’ll do my best to be clear, to listen, and through my presence, my time, love, and desire to connect: Help you find that open space.

If this resonates with you (because we’re all music, remember?)… I really, lovingly, invite you to do this. With me, others, or by yourself.

A war is not possible if we’re at peace inside.
Do you want peace?
So do I!
Let’s go for it.
Let’s start inside.

If you’re interested, please let me know. I’ll message you privately so we can schedule our time. It’s free, by the way. It’s my gift for these troubled times.

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Intentional parenting, development, and education for our children is my passion. My purpose is to empower you with the emotional and practical support you need to thrive as you reach for every outcome you dream of for you and your child’s life.

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