The deliciousness in suffering »
Learning and experiencing the four characters Jill Bolte Taylor offers in “Whole Brain Living” has helped me discover a few new ways to navigate through the healing of sticky emotional wounds.
Mafe Maria: Personal stories by autism parent mentor, Maria Stultz
At 37, having mastered the arts of pursuing and accomplishing goals, attempting to control conditions, and getting unhappy when I didn’t get what I wanted, I received a GIFT. I didn’t (consciously) ask for it but my son’s autism came to liberate me. Through the path I took in order to “save” us, I found myself transforming, expanding, gaining tools and guidance in order to free myself from fear, limiting mental patterns, the needs for approval and recognition, and the propensity to get attached to outcomes. I once asked for an “extraordinary life”—I was thinking of material achievements and recognition. In response, the Universe put together a curriculum to give me a far more extraordinary life all about alignment with my Higher Self, reality, and the ability to expand my mind, my heart, and power to choose an experience of peace, love, and ease right here, right now. The learning process is ongoing and totally worth it.
Learning and experiencing the four characters Jill Bolte Taylor offers in “Whole Brain Living” has helped me discover a few new ways to navigate through the healing of sticky emotional wounds.
Kiki asked for photos of my walk, and these words bubbled up. Breadcrumbs from stories that will not be told.
Recently, Character #4 (thinking tissue in the right hemisphere of my brain) emerged as new leader of my life. The experience of fearlessness, authenticity, and wholeness is amazing; like coming back home.
There is a brave, strong, and smart chica fantastica in every one of us. Sometimes we forget and she lands in the dark space under the bed. This is ours—my Awesome little teacher introduced her to me.
In stillness I discover a future version of myself—a Priestess—who “quietly” mentors me as I begin the journey to become a mentor. Then the Universe conspires, and a physical manifestation of her soul manifests. She speaks about the fierce, wondrous, most expansive expression of myself calling from the future for me to become… to be brave.
Sometimes we get stuck or lost on our way to our goals. In my experience as an autism parent, Son-Rise Program mom, and special needs homeschooler, I’ve learned that using support relevant to my purpose is crucial at key moments in the journey. Allowing myself the help I need can make the difference between succeeding and quitting.
A poem to celebrate "rising from my ashes" in the middle of the 2020 pandemic thanks to the nurturing support of a special program and community.
As I start working on my new calling–listening, mentoring, serving as a supporting presence for others–the curriculum is guiding me to integrate my learning and listening channels. Refining my ability to listen for non-verbal information beyond words.
In the middle of the historic 2020 pandemic and the fearful and dense vibration around the U.S. presidential election, my inner guidance inspires us to seek open space outside, and most importantly: inside our minds.
Already learning from my work as a mentor, I intend to allow space and time while I build my vision. My nurturing work is still at play, and I want to comfortably hold both.
An audio gift for me and my magical sisters. This is a frequency reminder of the power we wield when we get to this place.
Perfection is not required, is what I’ve lived and say to every mother of an autistic child. Yet, I thought I needed to be perfect to mentor others now. Always supporting my growth, the Wise Voice changed my lenses today. From fear I went to inspiration, just like in key Son-Rise days. So I may not be perfect, but I’m ready to begin. To learn. To teach. To co-create.
Light always follows darkness. I’ve learned to embrace that dark space; that pause; that moment of transformation. One more time I emerge gloriously from it, ready for my next adventure.
Expanding myself along with Joaquin is a strong theme in my parenting. I’m currently seeing both of us at the edge of this big frontier: “Playing” with unpredictable others.
Reminder to self in preparation for volunteering in a Special Ed class. I’ve learned for nine years from one child, and hope to learn from many more.
Calling on the Higher Spheres as I contemplate a possibility for my next creation; one that would serve autism, education, and love in this world… a “building project” that would use all of my gifts and motivations.
I found the perfect school for my son but that meant moving across the country and leaving my husband at home: A bittersweet decision I was terrified to consider.
I’ve just turned my pain into fire and gotten support for a new loop around the spiral of awetism parenting, and my child of light tells me this!
For the last 15 months I’ve ventured the path of fixing. Whatever was accomplished, I got lost, burned out, and finally collapsed. It took weeks in the dark and a slap by the system to remember and center around what I learned at the beginning of my journey. Here we go again…
The new year knocked me down with a fever that kept me resting in bed for three days. When I got up I realized that I needed a break from the life I was living. I turned myself off to reset.
Put against the grain of the world I fear. Criticism points to doubts I hold about myself, and it’s gotta be for me to claim my strength, to align with truth, to become my highest potential letting go of the belief that I am not enough.
My path parenting and educating a special child is completely out of the mould, and the uncertainty about its results brings recurring fear and stress which I must fight to continue walking.
Turning fear into love in action. Years ago I learned and lived this to gracefully navigate out of the limitations of autism. Now APD has come to give me one more way to learn it.
In the road less traveled criticism hurts because I’m still walking blindly, finding my way as I go, and there’s no promise of a happy ending. Thank God for the messages that come to support me and assure me: I’m not alone.
The U.S. presidential election is giving me a rich opportunity for expansion as I attempt to see disagreement and uncertainty with grace, from a higher perspective.
This morning I was launched into something yet to be discovered. It involved a separation from a past identity, and an explicit intention to trust and allow the journey to take me where it’s headed.
I notice what I notice, then my dream and the experiences next day unravel a multidimensional message from my son reassuring me of our deep soul connection.
Learning about “talents” and my nature as a creator to dissolve one more layer of the limiting thought that I need to do and be more than I already am.
Learning together to navigate this life. One more conversation with Kiki meant for us both to expand and connect deeply with each other and with ourselves.
Lately I’ve noticed the constant presence of stories defining people’s existence. We seem to crave them, collect them, learn to seek to create them to define ourselves and stand out from the crowd, to be “somebody”. I have mine too, of course… “Mother of a special child whose journey to save her son ultimately saves […]
This spring my food garden is teaching me one more layer of letting go. I’m trusting the balance of nature, and enjoying my foraging trips every lunch and breakfast.
Reflecting on the change manifested since I started the Home Reorg, and the change not yet recognized coming next to my life.
Inquiry on a nagging stressful thought helped me clarify my purpose as Joaquin’s mother, shifting my focus from future outcomes to the tools, beliefs, and values I offer him now.
Letting myself to do my project instead of seeking to nurture Joaquin’s development brings up fear. But John Holt reminds me: “It’s okay; keep trusting”.
Last month I attended one of Anat Baniel’s Kids Beyond Limits workshops. I loved meeting and interacting personally with one of my favorite teachers, refreshing my mind with her knowledge, and considering the possibility of signing up for her professional training – for a very little while. As I considered the kind of help I […]
Pursuing growth opportunities for Kiki through musical training, I was challenged by the stimulus that came with it. The experience expanded us both beyond the sheer powers of music.
I have become that woman who cooks delicious nutritious stuff every day, bakes for breakfast, improvises recipes, and ENJOYS IT. This is a collection of recent hits to remind myself.
Choosing love and ease in order to connect with Kiki while joining him in one of his repetitive activities.
When mentally “failing” as a Son-Rise parent, remember: Perfection is not required. Rules that separate us in the moment from our kids are not helpful. Self acceptance helps us AND our children grow.
A memorable, potent, clearly multi-dimensional experience of heaven on earth, gratitude, and joyful closure.
I’m currently discovering the natural talents of our new friend Megane… Acting on feedback I gave on her last play session with Joaquin (i.e. offer more actions vs. questions or “I don’t know” responses), for her second session she went with the intention to go 100% for whatever idea comes to her head. And I’m […]
This morning I got in the playroom while in a slight bad mood with Joaquin. I realized I didn’t want to give him control over me; he had nagged me plenty in the morning and I had resisted very uncomfortably. So as soon as I went in, pencil and paper on hand, Joaquin asked me […]
October was so amazingly expansive, I didn’t have any time to update this blog with the many amazing things that occupied my days… I was busy bringing on board three amazing new volunteers in Joaquin’s Son-Rise Program. I was also extremely intentional, using my “eye or Mordor” focusing on areas I wanted to help develop […]
With the recent introduction of a set of vinyl stamps and a clear stamping block, Joaquin has forgotten about his motivation for road construction, and has played three times in a row all around making these type of stamped strips for his streets. In addition to the focus and excitement he displays from trying and […]
I want to practice listening. Truly listening, being PRESENT, LOVING, NON-JUDGMENTAL, and without any expectation or desire to make any kind of impact on the person I’m listening. I have recently become aware that the expectation and desire to help are what gets most on my way to listen. I start listening keeping to my […]
Joaquin’s pretend traffic lights… This image represents Joaquin’s oldest most recurring activity. I’ve joined this game many times, and I’ve been deeply challenged by it often. This morning, as I contemplated the hallway to the kitchen full of lights (not green ones), and I experienced the discomfort this explosion of objects causes in my experience, […]
Just like a menstrual period, yet not exactly with the same frequency and predictability, I seem to experience cycles of contractive energy… They manifest primarily by a very strong need for space: physical and emotional. I find myself wanting to be alone, still, and silent. Mostly still and silent. Yet, mothering a four-year-old Sagittarius so […]
I knew that freeing my hair was going to pay off in self acceptance, growth, and discovery… I started this “project” almost three months ago inspired to act on acceptance, allowance, letting go of control and all those good things, using my naturally curly hair (blow dried straight for 25 years) as subject and material […]
So, after two very great (and unusual) experiences joining Kiki’s activities with full openness and enthusiasm… And perhaps as a result of the atonement experience I had yesterday… And in response to my prayer to open again the channel with Source because I felt so uninspired all last week… The guidance I’m receiving today is […]
Last weekend was a tough one. Tiny actions or words unleashed a wave of anger towards Joey which consumed my mind during both days. I’d go to bed okay, or mildly upset, and by morning the emotion was exponentially worse. Very uncomfortable for the three of us. So when a tiny “emergency” woke us up […]
This morning, right before waking up I saw the image of an angel (?) all dressed in white, long blond straight hair and really huge dark eyes. I thought that maybe he’s someone in my team. That concept of “team” is very recent. Like perhaps from Monday night, when I went to sleep and saw […]
Wow, this kid is truly connected to something… For a few days now, every once in a while he’s told me with a mischiveous smile, his waving finger, and out of nowhere: “Don’t judge anymore”. I always thank him for the wisdom and tell him that I’m doing my best to act on that intention. […]
Challenged by Kiki's beloved Game of Lights, resistant to participate in his interest, and talking myself into accepting my feelings and being authentic with Kiki.
I’m thinking about our upcoming trip back to the Autism Treatment Center of America for an Intensive week… Same “challenges” than last year: A long day in airports, planes, and roads with a child and luggage, away from our kitchen. A single day to get there before our program begins (and a lot of money […]
Recently, I let go of several crippling habits I’ve carried for a long time. I’m currently living: Not trying to save, change, or heal anybody (not even one in the autism spectrum) Without any need to accomplish anything Not seeking anybody’s approval (I haven’t been put to a big test recently, though) For the first […]
Breathe. Pause. Close your eyes. Slow down – moving, speaking, thinking. Forget time – Don’t look at the clock. Choose freedom. Say yes – to yourself. Suspend all judgments.
I used to read “happiness is a choice” as “happiness is a choice, and you’re always supposed to choose it; if you can’t it’s okay for now, but do seek happiness when you’re ready”. And so I’ve done a lot of choosing, allowing, and then attempting to choose not sure if I’m ready… just perhaps […]
Understanding the force behind my choices—love or fear—allowed me to start breaking “the rules”, and that way get to the true core of our Son-Rise program.
While appreciating the fact that I currently find myself inspired, peaceful, loving, free, and flowing… I just noticed how my “newspaper” (the collection of things that reach me every day) is bringing me messages of inspiration, love, freedom, ease, and fluidity. I’m noticing the obvious: It’s not a coincidence and special gift from the angels […]
While Joaquin takes a nap in our living room, I decide to take my Frequency book and read by him. As I go through chapter 3, an incredible revelation comes over me. I start seeing it so clearly. It makes so much sense, and my heart agrees by beating rapidly, and my eyes, ears and […]
Wow. I’m putting together what I’m learning about living cells from Bruce Lipton, with what I learned and keep experiencing after attending a Reconnective Healing seminar last weekend, with what I’m experiencing reading Penney Peirce’s “Frequency”… It’s all making so much sense, and just keeps validating my gut wisdom to keep discarding much of what […]
Excited and inspired as I see how the intention to live love, choice, trust, self-awareness, and happiness in our personal life, is taking over Joaquin’s Son-Rise program and infecting my life and that of my team members.
Today… Just as an experiment… Decide that you ‘re going to have an awesome day. There will be a lot of stuff out of your control, and no matter what happens, just today, as an experiment, you will choose to be happy and at peace with whatever situation is thrown at you; with whatever thing […]
Having embraced my unhappiness for the last three days, I emerge today peaceful, happy and loving, and ready to go on with my present life. And because I can see clearly now without the clouds of resistance and self-judgement, I also have a few words of wisdom for my past and future unhappy self. So […]
I’m the mother of an autistic child, and that –far from a curse, has made my life more extraordinary and amazing than I was planning for. The more I stretch out of my old beliefs and comforts, the more my son stretches through his limitations to come into my world.
I think I just passed a test… Was suddenly confronted by circumstances with the parallel universe where I could’ve gotten my dream (last year’s dream, anyway) of becoming a successful artisan. As I contemplated the reality that the Universe didn’t want it for me and redirected my path in such a direct and eloquent way, […]
Success, performance, achievement. The stuff for which I’ve worked most in the first 38 years of my life… Last year’s existing project to create a new passionate career… To become a successful artisan, a brand name, a recognized designer able to make a living out of my craft and joy, all surrounded by stress and […]
Have been going through a blah time all the way since around Thanksgiving. Been so bummed down by this mood since it’s such a long drop from the high I had reached by chance a month ago. I was doing so well… getting it so much, that I even thought I didn’t need any more […]
We built the son-rise playroom and Kiki’s progress slowed down; I got discouraged, depressed. Prompt support help me discard limiting beliefs and get back on track inspired and driven.
I’ve just received my rental car for the week. After placing my bag in the trunk and contemplating all the little ways how this cheap rental is not as nice as our family car, I pull out the map package I’ve printed earlier charting the route to the Option Institute. The number of steps is […]
From the trenches of our Son-Rise bubble, here are the highlights shared with friends and family during June 2010, our 2nd month into the program.
One month after discovering my son’s autism and the son-rise program, I’m starting to see the wonder of the process unfolding and how it’s meant to “cure” ME.
As soon as I saw her, she reminded me of my mom. She looked mature, yet youthful. I liked everything she said, her experience, her presence at my house, and the best sign of all: Joaquin seemed to be ok with her. He ate his dinner peacefully, even with a “stranger” at the table. Then […]
A little over a year ago, when I was a free, childless, freelance web designer, I had plenty of time to do things like: Encrypt my style sheets so plagiarists wouldn’t have such an easy ride with my portfolio site Put and manage traps to find out when somebody downloaded my portfolio site with a […]
At this moment my mom is flying back to Colombia after a 47–day visit in our home. We kept busy and had tons of fun, as evidenced by the lack of updates to this web site since her arrival. My mom has a great sense of humor, cooks deliciously, and has a remarkable, not often […]
You’ve heard them. You may even be one of them. Without a whole lot of whining you dare to vent a tiny little fact related to how challenging your life has become with your (now seven months old) little bundle of joy, and Super Mom smiles and replies: “But they [children] are worth it”. Personally, […]
Only three days after my mom left — and really just one day alone at home with Joaquin — I started to worry… How can I be new to this baby every day?… The question was twofold: How can I always be energetic to be there for my baby day after day?… and also, where […]
Life constantly teaches me that if I manage to hold one more second, one more day, one more small unit of time, something wonderful will happen. I'm always so close to it, even though I can't see it.